Bad Dreams - Phan
by Like-Young-Volcanoes
Summary: Phil has bad dreams about Dan and his spiteful girlfriend; Ashleigh. When Dan finds out about these he comforts Phil, and a moment between them almost occurs between them. A lot of sad moments, some swearing and eventually Phan.


_**Phil has bad dreams about Dan and his spiteful girlfriend; Ashleigh. When Dan finds out about these he comforts Phil, and a moment between them almost occurs between them. A lot of sad moments, some swearing and eventually Phan.**_

I do not own Dan or Phil :(

**Phil's POV**

I was sat on my bed on my laptop when I heard the front door open and Dan walk in. I jumped up and immediately ran over to see him.  
"How did the date go?" To be honest I didn't care about the date, just Dan. So long as he was happy, I was happy, even though I wished for nothing more than to be in his girlfriend's place. Yes, I love Dan, more than anything in the world. But he can't know. He can never know. If he found out then he'd call me a freak, leave and never speak to me again. He knew I was gay but I hadn't revealed more than that. I didn't dare.  
"Geez Phil, let me get in the door." I stepped back slightly, allowing him to hang up his coat before repeating my question. I suppose on some level I wished that he had broken up with her to be with me, but I would never get the opportunity to be in his arms again. Again you ask? Dan is bisexual. Back he had just started making videos for YouTube he had told me this after I'd told him about me, and during our first 'Phil is not on fire' video he had tackled me to the ground and kissed me. Of course I'd cut that bit out. We had dated for a while before he suddenly started acting strange, then broke it off. I had asked him about it a while later and he told me that he had recently gotten a girlfriend. It broke my heart. I had simply been an experiment to see if he preferred men or women, and it was obvious that it wasn't men. After weeks of being together, I felt betrayed, but never showed my emotions. I simply bottled them up and carried on pretending it was ok. Now he was dating another woman he had met on the tube coming home from the Radio Show one night. She wasn't very nice, in my opinion, and to me she was too fake. Fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, she'd even had plastic surgery. I hated her guts and she wasn't too keen on me either.  
"So?"  
"It was great! We get along so well and she's a great kisser." I plastered a fake smile on my face and managed to choke out a small reply.  
"That's good."  
"I'm going to get an early night, I need to be awake for tomorrow." I smiled properly this time. We had arranged and games and movie night for the day. We were going to sit in all day, eat sweets, play games and watch movies. It was going to be great and I was so happy he remembered. "Ashleigh wants me to pick her up early in the morning so she can go shopping." My heart dropped. He had forgotten. Of course. He did nothing but forget our plans when Ashleigh was involved. It was like she had brainwashed him. He wasn't the same person anymore.

I sat up quickly in bed, drenched in sweat. A dream, just a horrible dream. In a way it was true; Dan had forgotten about things that had been planned for the two of us and gone out with her instead. I had been left on my own at many places upon multiple occasions due to it. And every time I wouldn't mention it. I didn't want to make a fuss, or make him feel bad I suppose. I didn't like raising my voice and I didn't like shouting. So I left it. And he never knew. I reached over to my bedside table and clicked on the light before picking up my phone. 3:47am. Brilliant. There was a sudden crash from next door.  
"Oh fuck!" I heard Dan call out angrily as there was yet another crash. I jumped up to investigate. When I got to his room I found him sprawled out on his floor.  
"What happened?" I asked, helping him up.  
"Urgh, I was just getting up to get a drink and I tripped over my chair leg, then when I tried to get up, my feet didn't want to, making me fall again." I snickered at his story earning a slight glare from him. I instantly felt bad about it.  
"Sorry." I muttered and he laughed.  
"Just because I give you a playful glare, it doesn't mean you have to apologise. I probably would laugh too about it. Anyway, what are you doing up?" I thought quickly.  
"Your thumping woke me up, you're so loud when you fall on the floor."  
"Well I can't help it can I? Not my fault I'm clumsy, it runs in the family." We stood in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Dan coughed, breaking it. "Well I'm going to go to bed now. I've stayed up too long."  
"Me too. Goodnight." I returned to my own room much to my own disappointment. I wished I could just climb into his bed and cuddle up to him at night.

"Urgh, what are YOU doing here?" Ashleigh stalked towards me, annoyance clear on her face.  
"Dan said to meet him here for a movie. We're going to see Man of Steel." She scoffed arrogantly.  
"I think you'll find that when I asked if he could come to the cinema with me, he said he was free. So stop lying and buzz off. You're like an insect that everybody hates, including Dan." Her words hit me with full force. Dan had double booked. AGAIN. What was wrong with him? Her face suddenly changed into a happy, smiling one. "Dan!" She ran up to him and hugged him tightly before he noticed me.  
"Phil! What are you doing here?" I blinked back tears.  
"I was going to go shopping when I saw Ashleigh here and guessed you would be meeting her." Dan smiled.  
"I'll see you later Phil." He turned away and Ashleigh sent me the meanest, smuggest look she could as they disappeared into the building. I ran to the flat as fast as I could, slamming the door behind me and running into Dan's room. I laid down on his bed, gripping the covers as I cried. I cried bitterly and loudly, just wanting to scream, shout and punch things. I wasn't normally violent but this was sending me over the edge. I hated Dan. I hated my feelings. I hated that I loved him. And I hated Ashleigh. I hated her so much for taking him away from me. I'd had enough. I was just in the way of them.

I cried out as I sat up. That's the second night in a row that I've had a dream...well nightmare. I coughed as tears slipped out of my eyes, my chest feeling tight and constricting. I checked the time to see that it was 10am. Good enough. I climbed out of bed and went into the kitchen, making a coffee to keep me awake. Food would just make me throw up in the state I was in. My whole body was shaking slightly, but the coffee managed to calm me down. Dan entered the room, groaning tiredly.  
"You ok?" I asked him and he groaned again in reply. "That good eh?"  
"Do you want to have a game and films day? I'm too exhausted to leave the flat." I cocked my head to one side.  
"What about Ashleigh? Aren't you seeing her today?" He generally spent every other day with her and when he wasn't with her, he was talking on the phone.  
"She's visiting her parents for the day." I had never been so happy to hear something like that. I sipped my coffee to prevent Dan from seeing the grin on my face. "Are you ok though? I could have sworn I heard you cry out this morning." I brushed a hand through my hair anxiously.  
"I thought I saw a spider." I hated lying to him but I couldn't face telling him. He'd hate me for feeling that way about his girlfriend. Dan chuckled amusedly.  
We ended up playing Crash Bandicoot like in one of Dan's previous videos where he kept yelling at me every time I messed up and when it was his turn I did everything I could to distract him.  
"Do you want to make pancakes?" I dared to ask. I was worried that my luck of being able to spend time with him would run out.  
"Only if they're FREAKING DELIA SMITH PANCAKES!" He shouted loudly.  
"Can I record it for my channel? I'm sure they'd love another pancake video."  
"Sure, I'll get everything ready and you get the camera." I sped into my room the get the camera before setting it up in the kitchen and pressing record.  
"Hey guys, so Dan and I had a free afternoon so we thought we'd bring you another instalment of PANCAKE MAKING!" Dan slid into view, almost knocking me over in the process.  
"Hello Internet! As it was so popular last time we decided to record us making more freaking Delia Smith pancakes."  
"Always with the Delia?"  
"Always. There's a special place in my heart for her." Dan joked. I laughed as the though of Ashleigh taking it seriously popped into my head. I turned to pick up the mixing bowl and when I turned back he saw that Dan's face was tinged slightly pink.  
"You ok there Dan?" I asked, giggling slightly. I assumed it was because of the Delia comment. He shrugged it off and soon they were ready to go.  
"Let's make some pancakes! Phil, pass me ingredient number 1."  
"Um...what's ingredient number 1?"  
"The first one."  
"You haven't told me what the first one is." Dan smirked.  
"I'm only messing with you." I smiled weakly and yawned. These nightmares had really been draining my energy.  
"Stirring stirring, stirring stirring, do the stirring dance." As I stirred the mixture Dan recorded the bowl singing a random and ridiculous song. This was the carefree Dan I loved, not the overpowered, undermined by his girlfriend Dan. "Now it's time to make these babies."  
"Can you imagine if all babies were made like this." Dan's eyes widened and he grinned.  
"Pancake babies. I would definitely buy them."  
"You'd be tempted to eat them though, just every time it cried you be like 'please let me eat you!'"  
"That's weird Phil."  
"I'd probably end up losing a baby if I was looking after one."  
"You'd leave it in France like the house keys."  
"Hey! You didn't pick them up either."  
"You didn't trust me with them."  
"Good point, and I still don't."  
"Hey!" He flicked a bit of the mixture at me and it flew into my hair.  
"Dan!"  
"Mwahaha!"  
"You're so evil!"  
"Mwahahahahahahahaaaa!" He faked an evil laugh. I headbutted him lightly, the mixture wiping off on his shirt. I stepped back and laughed, my tongue slipping out between my teeth.  
"I think that makes us even. Let's get these cooked." We proceeded to cook them until it came to the flipping. Dan managed to flip his perfectly, showing off like he did, then when it came to my go his phone went off.  
"Sorry Phil, give me a sec. Hello? Oh, Ashleigh." Hatred boiled up in my veins as he turned to speak to her. "Ok I'm sorry I forgot to text you, I was having an afternoon with Phil. Why? What's wrong with him? No...urgh, fine." He turned towards me, mouthing a 'sorry' to me and left the room. I decided to finish up the video before I ended up crying. I knew it had been too good to last. I would definitely cut that bit out, my face had showed nothing but hurt and anger at that point. I flattened my hair and turned to the camera.  
"Ok guys, sorry to cut this short but Dan had to take an important phone call. If you liked this video then please give it a thumbs up. Byyee guys!" I put my hand over the lens and stopped the recording. I immediately went to my room to start editing. I might as well seeing as I have nothing else to do. I heard Dan in a heated conversation as I was trying to concentrate on the video. I suddenly froze as I noticed something. When I had turned away to get the mixing bowl, had he...no he couldn't have...yes, he had been checking out my bum. But...no Phil, get yourself together. He has a girlfriend. You were nothing more than an experiment. An experiment that meant nothing to him. You mean nothing to him at all and all he does is pity you.  
"Oh shut the fuck up!" I shouted out loud to my brain. I'd had enough of it. I kicked the edge of my bed angrily before regretting it when pain pulsated through my leg.  
"Phil..." I glanced up to see Dan in the doorway, shock etched on his face.  
"What?" I asked snappily.  
"Y...you swore..."  
"No I didn't." I knew I did.  
"But I heard yo-"  
"Just leave me alone." I pushed him away and closed my door angrily. My mind was messing with me and it was having a bad effect on the way I was acting. I really shouldn't have been like that to Dan. I managed to finish up the editing by a decent time of 9:45pm so I imported it to YouTube and uploaded it. As soon as it was up I told people on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook. As I was posting on Twitter a Tweet by Dan caught my eye.  
'I worry about you sometimes' It was obviously aimed at me but I ignored it. I scrolled through Tumblr, reblogging something to do with Adventure Time and a funny cat picture, I wasn't really paying attention that much. I decided to check my personal Facebook, just for the fun of it, and noticed Dan's newest update immediately. He barely ever went on so this was a surprise.  
'Dan Howell went from 'In a relationship' to 'It's complicated'. Underneath was a small comment from Ashleigh that simply read: 'Whatever -_-'  
I could have laughed if I hadn't been feeling so down at that moment. I liked the status before realising that it was probably harsh to do that, so i clicked the button to unlike it before anyone saw it. I decided to get an early night, seeing as being online wasn't doing me much good. I laid my head down, begging my brain to let me get a decent nights sleep, just for one night. I needed it.

I was alone in the house again. Dan had gone out for the day with Ashleigh. He was actually supposed to be back 20 minutes ago, but when did he ever turn up on time these days? The door opened and the sound of Dan was heard as he closed the door and came immediately to Phil's room.  
"Good news Phil!" Oh my god did he break up with her? "I'm moving in with Ashleigh! That's why I took a bit longer today. We've been looking at apartments and I think we've found the perfect one." My heart felt like it had been ripped out. No. Anything but this. I couldn't live if he left. He was the only thing keeping me alive right now.  
"W..where?"  
"Near the beach, she took me down there today to show me it. Isn't this great?" The beach? That was hours away from here. She really was taking Dan away from me.  
"That's so far away." I managed to choke out.  
"You can come and visit when Ashleigh says it's ok." What had she done with my best friend? Dan normally would have done what he wanted without her permission.  
"That'll be never then."  
"What?" Oh no, I'd spoken out loud.  
"Ashleigh hates me. She'll never let me see you." Frustration appeared on his face.  
"Oh for god's sake Phil. I've had enough of you picking out things about Ashleigh. She's perfect and nicer to me than you've been recently. You know what? I'm glad I'm moving out. I can't wait to get away from you. Don't bother visiting me when I get that apartment. I've had enough."  
"Dan..."  
"Don't fucking talk to me."  
"But Dan you don't under-"  
"Don't understand? What? I don't understand that you're jealous of me? It's so obvious because I have a girlfriend and you don't. Stop trying to make my life a misery just because yours is! I hate you, you selfish twat."  
He stood up and left, slamming the front door behind him. Phil collapsed to the floor, tears making their appearance again. He was sick of this. Dan now hated him and he had nothing anymore to lose.  
"Dan...I'm so sorry. Please Dan...just come back."

"Phil? Phil! PHIL!"  
I cried out and shot up from my sleep, sweat pouring down my face, mixing with the tears that fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I was shaking violently and uncontrollably. "Shit Phil." I jumped away from the voice but saw Dan kneeling beside my bed with a worried expression on his face.  
"Please don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me." I wrapped my arms around his waist tightly, refusing to let go, crying into his chest. He rubbed circles on my back soothingly, speaking to me quietly to me to calm me down.  
"Shh, I'm not going to leave you. Calm down. Everything's ok, everything's going to be ok." Finally I managed to calm down, my choking sobs dying down after minutes of comforting. "Do you want to talk about it? I'm guessing you had a nightmare." I turned away. It hurt so much to think about it. "Please Phil. You're my best friend and I worry about you. This isn't the first time this week that I've heard you wake up from a nightmare. You can trust me." I sighed.  
"You and Ashleigh were getting an apartment by the beach. I said something about not being able to see you and you went crazy. You yelled at me, telling me I was selfish, that you couldn't wait to move out, that I shouldn't bother to visit you. You said I was jealous because you had a girlfriend, you called me a selfish twat and that you hated me before leaving." Fresh tears started to pour from my eyes but Dan wiped them away before they could fall from my face.  
"It's ok. That would never happen. Even if I did move out, which I doubt, I would move round the corner or as close as I can because I couldn't leave you on your own. I know what you're like, you'd be useless without me." He winked at me jokingly and I chuckled quietly. "Besides, you're gay so why would I say that you were jealous of me because I had a girlfriend?" I shrugged, realising that he was right. I suddenly realised that our faces were inches away from each others. We started to inch closer together and our eyes closed slightly. Suddenly the moment was destroyed by a knock at the door. Dan blushed and looked away. "I'll just see who it is."  
"Ok." He left the room as I pondered what the hell just happened. We nearly kissed. But Dan had a girlfriend!  
"Um Phil, Ashleigh says she wants to talk to you. Do you want me to make you a hot chocolate so you feel better?"  
"Yes please." Oh no, what does she want. Dan disappeared into the kitchen as I made my way slowly towards the girl who had an obvious fake smile on her face. As soon as the kitchen door closed it turned into a foul scowl.  
"Ok I want to make one thing clear. I know exactly what you're doing. You're deliberately trying to keep Dan away from me by pulling some fake thing today. Stop being selfish and let him see someone that will actually make him happy. He doesn't even like you, he pity's you because you're alone. What is your problem? Just let him have his own life." I finally snapped. I couldn't keep my mouth closed any longer.  
"You want to know what my problem is? YOU are my problem. You treat Dan as if he is nothing but dirt on your shoe. He could do so much better than you. You should feel privileged that he even looked at you. I dislike you and would even go as far as to say I hate you because of the way you treat him. You're fake, completely fake. Your body, your goody goody nice attitude towards me when Dan is around me and your stupid high pitched voice. Do you want to know why I'm so protective over him? Because I love him. There, I said it. I am in love with Dan Howell, and I would be happy for him if he wasn't with someone like you that constantly puts him down. But do you know what's worse? The fact that I can't even tell him this because I don't want to hurt him. He's happy with you, as far as I know, and for that reason I can't do anything. Because I know how much you are to him. So there. That how I feel." She glared at me with the most horrible look, but I didn't care. I was just happy to be able to get that off my chest.  
"Faggot." She hissed. The word hit me in the chest, and it hurt.  
"Phil?" My head snapped round to see Dan in the doorway, looking as shocked as hell. He had heard everything. All I did was step back before running. I ran blindly out of the apartment and onto the street and kept running until I found myself in the local park. I sat on a bench and cried. I had just lost my best friend. A song suddenly popped into my head, describing my situation perfectly.  
"_I'm tired of waking up in tears,_  
_'Cause I can't put to bed these phobias and fears._  
_I'm new to this grief I can't explain,_  
_But I'm no stranger to the heartache and the pain._  
_The fire I began is burning me alive._  
_But I know better than to leave and let it die._  
_I'm a silhouette asking every now and then;_  
_'Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again?'_  
_I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own._  
_But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone._  
_So I watch the summer stars to lead me home_." Owl City. I said the words out loud before starting to cry again. I was such a wuss. No wonder Dan didn't like me.

**Dan's POV**

I opened the door to see Ashleigh there. The fact that me and Phil had literally almost kissed just seconds before, made me feel sick. Not at the thought of the kiss, at the fact that Ashleigh had interrupted it.  
"Dan!" She hugged me tightly and I returned it weakly. "Can we go out today?"  
"Um, well Phil isn't too well at the moment so I was just going to make sure he was ok before doing anything." A look of annoyance crossed her face.  
"Ok well can I talk to him? I want to wish him better."  
"Sure." I went to get Phil before heading into the kitchen to get Phil his promised hot chocolate. I then realised that we didn't have any. Dammit. I'd better tell him so I can offer him something else. As I opened the door I saw the two of them in a shouting match. What the hell was going on?  
"He doesn't even like you, he pity's you because you're alone. What is your problem? Just let him have his own life." What was she talking about? Phil looked angry. Really angry.  
"You want to know what my problem is? YOU are my problem. You treat Dan as if he is nothing but dirt on your shoe. He could do so much better than you. You should feel privileged that he even looked at you. I dislike you and would even go as far as to say I hate you because of the way you treat him. You're fake, completely fake. Your body, your goody goody nice attitude towards me when Dan is around me and your stupid high pitched voice. Do you want to know why I'm so protective over him? Because I love him. There, I said it. I am in love with Dan Howell, and I would be happy for him if he wasn't with someone like you that constantly puts him down. But do you know what's worse? The fact that I cant even tell him this because I don't want to hurt him. He's happy with you, as far as I know, and for that reason I can't do anything. Because I know how much you are to him. So there. That how I feel." Ashleigh glared at him before speaking the word that made me hate her with a passion.  
"Faggot."  
"Phil?" I made myself known. He looked up, looking terrified. He suddenly turned and bolted out of the door. He thought I would stick up for that bitch after what she'd said? No fucking way.  
"Dan, did you hear what he said? He's so horrible, how do you put up with it?"  
"Get out of my apartment." I growled at her.  
"What?" Is she stupid? "Urgh. You know what? You have a choice. It's either me or him. She gave a smug look. As if I'd pick her.  
"Him. Now get out of my apartment. I don't want to see you again." Her mouth hung open before she turned and left. Good riddance. Now to find Phil. I needed to make things right.

**Phil's POV**

I had been sat outside for who knows how long. I was tired, cold and upset. I couldn't go back to my apartment, I couldn't stay with my parents as they lived up the country. I had nowhere. I was completely alone.  
"I'm so sorry Dan..." I whispered aloud.  
"You have nothing to be sorry for." I looked up to see Dan stood there, smiling down at me. He grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet and before I even had time to register it, he had pressed his lips against mine. I melted into his touch as our lips moved together in complete bliss. I hoped this wasn't a dream. No, it felt too real. The world surely couldn't be that cruel. "I'm so sorry Phil. I'm so so sorry. If I knew what she was like to you then I would have ditched her faster. If I had known you liked me, I wouldn't have even been with her in the first place." He touched my hands, bringing them up so he could kiss them. "Geez Phil, you're freezing." He pulled off his coat and put it around my shoulders. I was still in too much shock to process it. Dan had kissed me. I had kissed back. He liked me... He took me back to the apartment, made me a coffee and we shared his Malteasers on the sofa wrapped up in a duvet. I rested my head contentedly on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around my waist.  
"I love you Dan."  
"I love you too Phil." I smiled and closed my eyes. Life was perfect, and I couldn't ask for anything better than this moment.

_**Hope you enjoyed this, it is currently my favourite Dan and Phil story I've written to far.**_

_**Becca xx**_


End file.
